


Juno Steel and the Big Day

by NobodyOfficial



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Found Family, Marriage, Other, Past Abuse Mention, Past Drug Addiction, S3 spoilers, Wedding, almost canon compliant, podcast style text
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:15:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24795286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NobodyOfficial/pseuds/NobodyOfficial
Summary: For almost two decades now there has been an unused wedding dress crumpled at the back of Juno's wardrobe, out of sight but in no way forgotten. Juno had long given up on the hope of ever actually getting to wear it to his wedding.That is, until Nureyev proposes, and Juno seizes his opportunity to live out the fresh start he's been craving since he was a teenager.But Juno's a different lady than he was two decades ago. Hell, Juno's a different lady than he was two weeks ago! Maybe he's so caught up in the euphoria of getting married he's forgotten how dangerous it can be to romanticise the past.-I promise it's a lot more fun than the summary implies! There are jokes! And soft Juno + Rita moments! It's a good, fun time, I promise!
Relationships: Buddy Aurinko/Vespa Ilkay, Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel, Rita & Juno Steel
Comments: 25
Kudos: 91





	Juno Steel and the Big Day

**Author's Note:**

> So... this is 7,000 words. When I meant to write 3,000. Oops. And it's still technically missing bits. But here ya go, if you want some poorly edited fluff. Technically spoilers for the latest ep, but if you haven't listened to it yet you won't know what's me making stuff up and what's canon!

JUNO (NARRATOR):

Hyperion City.

SOUND: JUNO’S THEME

(HUMOURLESS LAUGH)

Some people say it’s the most beautiful place in the galaxy. The rest of us have actually been elsewhere.

You know, from this angle I honestly couldn’t tell you if it’s changed? I had the chance to look back all those years ago, to get my last glimpse of the city that had once been my entire life, but I hadn’t taken it. I’d grown past that, I told myself at the time, but really I was scared. Scared that it would be too much for me. That I’d see the sunset glint off those high rise windows, watch as the city began to come alive with neon, and beg Buddy to let me go back.

I’m so glad I didn’t.

SOUND: JUNO’S THEME CUTS OUT. REPLACED BY WHATEVER SOUND A FLYING CAR MAKES

RITA:

Boss, look! It’s my old favourite ice cream place! Mistah Jet, if you get bored in the car you should definitely check it out.

Oh! Or that one! My second favourite ice cream place! And you should bring some ice cream back to the car for Rita!

JUNO (NARRATOR):   
It’s nice to see the place again. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t missed it. We’ve been away long enough now that the sight of New Town, pastel tower blocks jutting from alongside perfectly straight roads, doesn’t make my jaw clench. And though I avert my gaze from the mayoral office it’s only due to a sense of passive mourning.

My name’s Juno Steel. I used to be a private eye in Hyperion City; now I’m a thief-slash-vigilante everywhere else. Oh, and a wife. Well, I will be soon, anyway.

RITA:

Oh Mistah Steel, I’m just so excited to finally get to see your wedding dress. We were having such a row back then I wasn’t even invited to your wedding, which I think was very rude, but I’m glad we don’t row like that no more.

JUNO:

Yeah I… wasn’t in a great place the last time I was in this position. I’m looking forward to doing it right this time. Might be nice to actually get to the wedding part of my wedding.

JET:

I, too, look forward to seeing a tie-dye wedding dress. It is not something I have ever encountered during my many years in this galaxy.

JUNO:

(EMBARRASSED)

I told you, I don’t just wear tie-dye. I packed light and realised I needed more shirts, it’s not my fault that was the only style available.

JET:

But you like it, no?

JUNO:

(EVEN MORE EMBARRASSED. DEFINITELY WEARING TIE-DYE RIGHT NOW)

I mean, yeeeah…

RITA:

Well I love it on ya, Mistah Steel. Colour is so your colour!

JUNO:

Then I’m afraid my wedding dress is going to disappoint. It’s a very traditional, old Earth style.

RITA:

Ooh, I can’t wait!

JUNO (NARRATOR):

Buddy wasn’t exactly happy about us coming down here. While technically she handed the Carte Blanche over to me when she retired, Buddy’s still officially the captain. More than that, I’ll always see her as an authority. So when she returned to the ship for Nureyev and my wedding I pretty much handed all controls back over to her.

She agreed, in the end, but I don’t know what it was that changed her mind.

BUDDY:

You know you’re a wanted fugitive on Mars, Juno? For that matter, all of us are, except Pete. Though I’m sure he’s wanted there under some other name. We can pick you up a lovely wedding dress anywhere in the galaxy.

JUNO:

It’s not the dress, necessarily it’s… it’s everything associated with it. The fresh start that I never got, that I’m getting now, with Ransom. It just means a lot to me.

BUDDY:

I don’t doubt it does, darling. But you know better than anyone that sometimes it’s better to let go of things, no matter how much they mean to us.

JUNO:

You think it’s a bad idea to go back to Mars?

BUDDY:

Juno, we’ve been through this before. While I do think going to Mars is unwise that isn’t my main concern here. I’m confident enough in our team to ensure our safe return. No. My concern is with your motivations. I thought you’d left the past behind?

JUNO:

This isn’t about the past, not really. It’s about the future I want to have. I- I want to feel like I could go back and not screw it all up. I want to feel like I’m twenty five again, but instead of being a self destructive mess I’m happy, and marrying the man I love. I know now that I’m capable of choosing what’s right. I just want to feel like if I could go back, if that was possible, I’d be able to do it right this time. I’d make the right choices for the future. 

If, for just one moment, you could pretend you were living a life where you’d never lost Vespa, wouldn’t you?

BUDDY:

I-

Jet will take you.  _ Not  _ in the Ruby 7. You have an hour. If you’re not back at the car by then I’ll find another criminally-inclined detective for Pete to marry.

JUNO:

(LIGHT. HAPPY)

You wouldn’t!

RITA:

Look! We’re almost at your apartment!

JET:

Yes. And this is as close as we’ll be getting.

SOUND: WHOOSH!

JUNO:

Oh no, this is very fast, I am not enjoying this. We are approaching the ground very fast! And from very high up!

RITA:

We were even higher up before we started falling, Mistah Steel.

JUNO:

Yes, but then we were in the car. Safe in the car. And the car was staying still. Now the car is plummeting!

JET:

(AMUSED)

You do not trust me?

JUNO:

No amount of trust I place in you will ever erase my fear of heights.

SOUND: WOOSH! STOPS. CAR SETTLES ON THE GROUND.

Oh, thank God.

JET:

I would have thought all that time in space may have alleviated some of your fear. If you fall in outer space, you fall forever.

JUNO:

Great, now that’s all I’m going to be thinking about for the rest of my life.

SOUND: CAR DOORS OPEN AND CLOSE. STREET AMBIENCE

RITA:

C’mon boss, don’t let anything ruin your big day.

JUNO:

I’m not getting married today, Rita. We’re just getting the dress.

RITA:

That’s still a huuuuuge deal though. And I’m honoured to be a part of it.

JUNO:

You’re my maid of honour, there’s no one I’d rather be here with.

RITA:

Awwwwah, Mistah Steel!

JET:

Sorry to interrupt your touching moment, but Buddy did say we should stick to a strict schedule.

You go. I will be here, by the car, the whole time.

JUNO:

Yeah?

JET:

Yes.

JUNO:

Because the way you said that makes me think you won’t be.

RITA:

He’s probably just going to get me super-secret-surprise-ice-cream, but he’s not gonna tell us because it’s a super-secret-surprise, ain’t that right Mistah Jet? Now come on, I wanna see the dress!

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS

JUNO (NARRATOR):

I trust Jet Siquliak, with my life even, but I also know him; and he is not staying by that car.

But I have other things to think about right now: I’m back in Hyperion City, walking down the dry, dusty street.

We pass the supermarket I used to frequent, the takeaway I used to frequent far more frequently, Rita’s favourite hair salon. It feels like an age since I’ve walked these streets, yet nothing’s changed. It’s so easy to stagnate here; I actually find myself eager to leave.

RITA:

You alright, Mistah Steel?

JUNO:

Huh? Oh, yeah, sorry. Just thinking.

RITA:

Yeah?

JUNO:

Yeah.

Nothing’s really changed here, has it?

RITA:

No boss I- I guess it hasn’t.

JUNO:

Makes me wonder if it ever could’ve.

PAUSE.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS

RITA:

Are you-

Um.

You are still glad we left, right? We made the right choice?

JUNO:

Yes.

JUNO (NARRATOR):

I don’t even need a moment to look around and consider my answer. Getting off Mars was the best choice I’d made in a long, long time.

JUNO:

Yes, of course.

Are you?

RITA:

Absolutely, boss! When you’re happy, I’m happy.

JUNO:

That’s sweet of you to say, Rita, but seriously, if you wanted- You wanted-

JUNO (NARRATOR):

I can’t force myself to say it. But the way Rita’s looking at me I don’t have to; she knows what I’m getting at.

RITA:

I’m not gonna pretend like I don’t miss stuff. Like those real specific salmon and chocolate snacks you only get on Mars. Or Frannie. But you’re my family, boss. Until the Carte Blanche, my only family. And I’m always happiest with my family.

JUNO:

(SOFT)

I really love you, Rita.

RITA:

I love you too, Mistah Steel!

EMOTIONAL BEAT

JUNO:

So if you think of Buddy and Vespa as your moms, and Jet as your uncle, what am I?

RITA:

My little sister, of course!

JUNO:

_ Little  _ sister? I was your boss for twenty years! I’m  _ forty two _ !

RITA:

So what? Youngest siblings can’t be bossy? Because that just ain't true, boss.

I didn’t mean to offend you. I just feel real protective of you, and like spending time with you, and sharing things with you, and doing your hair. That’s just what I imagine it would’ve been like, if I’d had a little sister.

JUNO (NARRATOR):

I thought it had been a long time since I’d been anyone’s sister but… I guess not.

I think of every time Rita took me to the hospital, held my hand through withdrawal symptoms, sat at the end of my bed when I couldn't, wouldn't, go to sleep. That can't have been pleasant. I wasn’t pleasant, that’s for sure.

I only knew one other person who would’ve gone through all that with me.

JUNO:

Okay, I take it back, there’s no one I’d rather be my big sister.

RITA:

Awwwwwwah.

JUNO (NARRATOR):

We round a corner and my apartment comes into sight. I hadn’t sold it before I’d left, a part of me always thought I might have to return to it some day, and once I was living life as a vigilante-thief it’s not like I desperately needed the few thousands creds it would’ve got me. So unless Mick had been round the place with the key I’d left him the place should be identical to how I left it.

Just like the rest of Hyperion.

JUNO:

We should check in with Buddy, just to make sure she knows we made it. And probably Jet, too, he’s up to something. I doubt it’s something bad, but I don’t know what good he can do here.

RITA:

On it, boss.

SOUND: COMMS BEEP

NUREYEV (COMMS):

\- No, that just won’t do, this is for my wed-

VESPA (COMMS):

Just wear a nice tux. That’s what I did.

NUREYEV (COMMS):

With all due respect, Vespa, I would like to look a little classier than that-

VESPA (COMMS):

Buddy, did you hear that? Ransom said I have no class, right?

RITA:

Uuuh… I did call Captain A-I, right?

BUDDY (COMMS):

Speaking. A moment, if you will.

Will you two please stop bickering for just one moment? Pete, Vespa looked gorgeous on our wedding day, so I suggest you keep your mouth shut. Vespa, dear, this is a very stressful time for Peter, please don’t antagonise him further.

Rita, darling, how are things on Mars?

RITA:

Uh, I think the more important question is: how are things on the Carte Blanche?

BUDDY (COMMS):

Don’t worry about us-

VESPA (COMMS):

Ha ha, these earrings are ugly.

NUREYEV (COMMS):

These are  _ your  _ earrings that you lent me for a case!

VESPA (COMMS):

Oh…

BUDDY (COMMS):

We know by now the risk of allowing Pete and Vespa to share breathing room.

JUNO:

We’re just calling to let you know we’re at the flat. We won’t be long.

BUDDY (COMMS):

Wonderful, you two take care.

VESPA (COMMS):

(SOFTLY, IN BACKGROUND)

I can lend you something, like how-

BUDDY (COMMS):

Keep in touch.

RITA:

We will, Captain A-I!

SOUND: COMMS BEEP

JUNO:

Can you call Jet while I, uh-

RITA:

Sure thing, boss.

JUNO (NARRATOR):

I never thought I’d be coming back here.

No, that’s not quite true. I thought about it a lot, but it was just a fantasy to indulge in at my lowest points.

SOUND: QUIET COMMS BEEP

RITA:

(BACKGROUND)

Hi Mistah Jet-

JUNO (NARRATOR):

After a while though, a long while, I stopped thinking about Hyperion and started daydreaming about the future.

SOUND: BEEPS AS JUNO KEYS IN THE CODE

JET (COMMS):

(BACKGROUND)

Hello, Rita. Is everything alright?

RITA:

(BACKGROUND)

Yeah, just made it to the apartment, checking in. You get that ice cream yet?

SOUND: DOOR OPENS. STREET AMBIENCE BECOMES MUTED. DOOR CLOSES. IN THE BACKGROUND YOU CAN HEAR RITA ON THE PHONE, DESCRIBING HER ICE CREAM TO JET, HIM RESPONDING ‘YES’ EVER SO OFTEN AND AN INDISTINGUISHABLE YET PANICKED VOICE IN THE BACKGROUND OF IT ALL

JUNO (NARRATOR):

I think that’s when Nureyev and I started talking about marriage. I don’t know, it started out as a joke almost-

NUREYEV:

Why, this is simply the most delicious curry I have ever tasted. I must marry whoever made it at once!

NUREYEV + JUNO:

(LAUGH)

JUNO (NARRATOR):

But in hindsight it was only an average curry. Maybe he just wanted to get that conversation started.

I didn’t want to seem too eager, at first. Honestly, Nureyev didn’t really seem like the marrying type, and I’m not the kind of lady who needs a ring to know I matter to someone. I casually told him that, as he knew, I’d been engaged before, but that had been a different time in my life and if anything the experience had been off putting.

Nureyev said he’d never push me into anything, but if I came around on the idea he’d love nothing more than to be my husband.

Obviously then I did a bit of embarrassed backtracking, but he was too delighted to care.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS CLIMBING STAIRS

He asked me if he could propose, not now, but one day. I told him to surprise me. And he did.

RITA:

\- and- Hey, Mistah Jet, who’s that yelling in the background?

JUNO:

What?

MICK (COMMS):

Rita! Thank goodness you’re done talking! What are you doing on the comms? This crazy man just broke into my apartment-

JET (COMMS):

I am not crazy. I did not break into your apartment.

JUNO:

(YELLING)

Mick?!

MICK (COMMS):

JJ, buddy! Why are you on the comms with this mad man?

JET (COMMS):

I am not a mad man, I have tried to explain this to you, but you would not shut up about how you do not buy goods from door to door salespeople anymore.

JUNO:

Hey Big Guy, what are you doing with Mick?

JET (COMMS):

He is your childhood best friend, yes? I thought you might like him to be present for your wedding.

JUNO:

I-

Yeah, actually, that is very thoughtful of you. Thank you.

MICK (COMMS):

Jay, you’re getting married? Congratulations! 

I just, uh, didn’t think mountain-shaped men who break into people’s apartments were your type?

JUNO:

What? I’m not marrying Jet-

JET (COMMS):

I have no desire to marry anyone.

JUNO:

I’m marrying… a master thief and disguise artist I ran into on a case once. I promise it’s not how it sounds!

MICK (COMMS):

(SERIOUS)

Are you happy, Juno?

JUNO:

Yeah. Yeah, I really am.

RITA:

Hi Mistah Mercury!

MICK (COMMS):

Hi Rita! Is JJ happy?

RITA:

Oh yeah, the boss is real happy. Mistah Ransom is real nice, when he’s not pulling a con.

MICK (COMMS):

(A HAPPY LITTLE ‘HMM’)

JET (COMMS):

So now will you accompany me back to the car? I’ve heard you are partial to conspiratorial stories, and I would love to hear some. 

MICK (COMMS):

Really? ‘Cause I’ve got a bunch I’ve been wanting to talk through for a while now.

RITA:

We’ll see you soon Mistah Jet, have fun with Mistah Mercury! And don’t forget my ice cream!

SOUND: COMMS BEEP

JUNO (NARRATOR):

We’re outside my apartment now. Have been for a while now, just standing there. I remove a keycard from my pocket and pause, just holding it in my hand, feeling the atmosphere. Steeling myself for what’s on the other side of that door.

But it’s okay. It doesn’t feel like home, anymore. The people I love aren’t here.

I open the door.

SOUND: DOOR OPENS

JUNO:

I- Don’t know what I expected.

JUNO (NARRATOR):

It’s indistinguishable from how I left it down to the broken mug in the sink, but something’s off. The relief is missing: that feeling of all the adrenaline finally leaching from your body after a long day. That feeling I get every time I see Peter Nureyev.

RITA:

It’s spooky, boss. Almost like you’re still living here.

JUNO:

Hmm. Let’s just get the dress and go.

JUNO (NARRATOR):

My memories of my last wedding are hazy, to say the least. I remember that we never actually made it to the wedding day. I remember a lot of arguing, a lot of crying, a lot of pain. And I remember the dress. Beautiful, sleek, white silk, reminiscent of an old Earth wedding.

I also remember screwing it up, shoving it to the back of my wardrobe, and not touching it since.

SOUND: DOOR OPENS. FOOTSTEPS. WARDROBE IS OPENED. RUSTLING

RITA:

Ooh, lemme see, lemme see!

JUNO:

Huh.

RITA:

(GASPS)

JUNO (NARRATOR):

I unfurl the crinkled material for Rita and myself to inspect. It’s… it’s… honestly, it’s hideous.

The bodice is covered in these horrible little fabric flowers, coloured pink and purple for some godforsaken reason. The skirts are far more voluminous than I tend to like on my dresses. And the waist: an awful, cinched thing half the size of my own. Nureyev couldn’t fit into this dress.

RITA:

(UNCERTAIN)

It’s pretty, boss.

JUNO:

You don’t have to lie, Rita.

RITA:

No, no, it is. It’s just… not very you, Mistah Steel.

JUNO (NARRATOR):

I hold the dress up in the mirror, trying to connect the thing to the lady I’ve become, but I can’t. It’s a silly, frivolous thing belonging to a silly, drug-infused little girl. I don’t want it.

JUNO:

Was I ever really that thin? That must’ve been horrible.

RITA:

Yeah, you were in a real awful place before your last wedding. But now you’ve got that cute tummy Mistah Ransom loves.

JUNO:

I- He said that?

RITA:

And other things.

JUNO:

Other things?

RITA:

Yeah, all the time.

JUNO:

Like?

RITA:

Like how cute you look when you're sleeping. Or how soft your hair feels when you use my hair product. Or how much he loves the way you scrunch your face up when you’re mad. All sorts of stuff.

JUNO (NARRATOR):

Nothing Rita’s saying is news to me. Barely a night goes by without Nureyev waxing poetically about how I truly suit my name. But something about the fact that Nureyev doesn’t just tell me how much he loves me, but other people too-

(PAUSE WHILE JUNO HAS AN EMOTION)

It really tugs at my heartstrings.

JUNO:

(ALMOST CRYING BUT IN A HAPPY WAY)

That’s… I really love him.

RITA:

I know you do.

JUNO (NARRATOR):

I look at my old dress, my old wedding, my old life. Young and flashy and fast. I think about what I have with Nureyev: passion and adventure, sure, but also security, warmth, tenderness. Promises I know won’t be broken.

I think about Nureyev’s proposal:

SOUND: SHIP AMBIENCE. THEY’RE OBVIOUSLY CUDDLING IN BED. OBVIOUSLY

NUREYEV:

Juno, darling.

JUNO:

Mm?

NUREYEV:

I’ve stolen a lot from you over the years, haven’t I? Or, at least, I’ve tried to.

JUNO:

How many times do you need to hear me say you’ve stolen my heart before you get tired of it?

NUREYEV:

Oh Juno, I’ll never tire of hearing that.

But no, this time it’s something else. I would like to steal something from you, but I would like your permission to steal it first.

JUNO:

Is it really stealing if you have my permission to take it?

NUREYEV:

I-

JUNO:

Doesn’t matter. What I’m saying is: whatever you want to steal, don't worry about it. I’ll just give it to you. Anything. You want the sun? We can get it.

NUREYEV:

I already have my own personal sun, but thank you.

JUNO:

So, what is it that you want me to give you?

NUREYEV:

Your last name.

JUNO:

(OBLIVIOUS, UNTIL…)

Of course you can have my… last… name. Oh.

NUREYEV:

Juno, I’m tired of only pretending to be your husband. I want the real thing. And if you're ready I would love for you to become my wife.

JUNO:

Nothing would make me happier.

SOUND: THEY KISS, BUT IT’S SOFT THIS TIME

JUNO (NARRATOR):

I look down at the wedding band on my finger: thin gold engraved with roses. Simple. Beautiful.

JUNO:

Rita, I don’t want the dress. It feels wrong, like everything else here. I just want to go home.

RITA:

Yeah, me too, boss. This wasn’t as much as fun as I’d hoped it would be.

JUNO:

(TRYING TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD SOMEWHAT)

Plus-

SOUND: PATS FABRIC

It’s not like it would fit.

RITA:

That’s a good thing.

JUNO:

You bet. Someone has to keep Ransom warm at night.

Speaking of, I think I’m going to call him before we go, just to-

JUNO (NARRATOR):

Hear his voice.

JUNO:

Check in.

RITA:

Sure thing, boss.

SOUND: COMMS BEEP

NUREYEV (COMMS):

Will you shush for one moment? Juno’s calling.

Juno, dear, my gorgeous, radiant, soon-to-be-wife, is everything alright?

JUNO:

Yeah, yeah, everything’s great actually. Just wanted to say hi, and I love you, and I’m not getting the dress. I’ll explain when we get back.

NUREYEV (COMMS):

Oh, well that’s a twist. Don’t worry, you’re having about as much luck as I am. The closest I’ve got to finding wedding attire is Vespa promising to lend me a necklace I don’t want.

VESPA (COMMS):

(SHOUTING)

Don’t be ungrateful! I never said you wanted it; you need it!

BUDDY (COMMS):

Don’t worry, Juno, darling, I have something for you, too.

JUNO:

(NERVOUS LAUGH)

Uh, thanks.

NUREYEV (COMMS):

Whatever you wear will be absolutely stunning, I’m sure, simply by virtue that you’re wearing it.

(MUMBLED)

Wish I could say the same for me.

JUNO:

Ransom, you look good in anything. You look good naked.

VESPA (COMMS):

Hey! There are other people in this room who don’t want to hear that!

RITA:

And there are people in  _ this  _ room who do! I think that’s sweet, Mistah Steel.

JUNO:

I’ll see you soon, love.

NUREYEV (COMMS):

(VOICE DRIPPING WITH WARMTH AND SWEETNESS)

See you soon.

SOUND: COMMS BEEP

JUNO:

C’mon Rita, let’s go home.

SOUND: DOOR OPENS

JUNO (NARRATOR):   
We walk back to the car, where Mick and Jet are waiting. Mick’s leant over Jet’s seat, gesticulating wildly and Jet… well, Jet’s laughing hysterically.

SOUND: CAR DOOR OPENS

MICK:

But that’s not all! They also used to think there were sea creatures like this; giant fish-things with horns on their head. As if that’s any more realistic than a horse.

JET:

That is quite ridiculous.

MICK:

JJ, buddy!

SOUND: FABRIC RUSTLES A LA MICK THROWING HIMSELF AT JUNO FOR A HUG

JUNO:

It’s been too long, Mick, I’ve missed you.

MICK:

I’ll say! Juno Steel getting married? Never thought I’d see the day.

JUNO:

You were there the last time I almost got married.

SOUND: DOOR SHUTS. CAR STARTS UP

MICK:

You know my thoughts on that one, Jay.

RITA:

Did you get my ice cream, Mistah Jet?

JET:

Of course. Apologies, much of it has melted.

RITA:

No, that’s great! Exactly how I like it!

JET:

If you could kindly refrain from spilling in the car.

Juno, you may want to look away from the window.

SOUND: WHATEVER A FLYING CAR SOUNDS LIKE

JUNO:

Ugh, here we go again.

SOUND: ALL NOISE GRADUALLY FADES OUT

SOUND: SHIP AMBIENCE FADES IN

BUDDY:

(BACKGROUND)

Not to worry, Pete. Juno will be here soon, that’ll make you feel better.

NUREYEV:

(BACKGROUND)

As if I want Juno to see me like this!

VESPA:

(BACKGROUND)

Juno’s seen you in much worse conditions than this. You made him carry you for weeks when you broke your leg.

NUREYEV:

(BACKGROUND)

It wouldn’t have been weeks if you’d fixed my leg faster.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS

BUDDY:

Children!

JUNO:

Uh, hey. How’s the blushing… groom?

BUDDY:

Missing you greatly. I’m starting to think you make up a large portion of his impulse control.

JUNO:

Really? That’s the first time I’ve heard it that way around.

NUREYEV:

Juno? 

JUNO:

Coming.

Oh, wow. It’s like a theatre exploded in here.

JUNO (NARRATOR):

Nureyev’s room is a mismatch of every person he’s ever been. Rex’ sunglasses beside the bed, Duke’s corset on the floor, piles of wigs, and jackets, and passports, makeup strewn across the dresser. Only, I can’t see a single thing in all this mess that seems to belong to Peter Nureyev.

SOUND: JUNO KISSES THE TOP OF NUREYEV’S HEAD

NUREYEV:

I am utterly unprepared. I haven’t even picked out an outfit, which means I’m behind on designing my makeup, and I haven’t even dyed my hair yet-

JUNO:

Hey. You don’t need to do any of those things. There are a thousand different personas in this room, but I only want to marry you.

VESPA:

I’m going to be sick.

JUNO:

Vespa? Where even are you?

VESPA:

Behind this massive pile of wigs.

JUNO:

And don’t act like you and Buddy are any better than us, the ship's PDA guidelines were set by you two, afterall.

SOUND: VESPA CLIMBS OVER THE IMMENSE PILE OF WIGS TO KISS BUDDY

BUDDY:

I think you’ve bullied Ransom enough for one day, hmm?

VESPA:

Fine.

SOUND: RECEDING FOOTSTEPS

BUDDY:

I’ll give you two some time.

SOUND: MORE RECEDING FOOTSTEPS

JUNO:

You know, I’d marry you right now, like this.

NUREYEV:

(CHUCKLING)

In this old blouse?

JUNO:

Yeah? Why not? You’d marry me in this old skirt and hideous orange tie dye, right?

NUREYEV:

Of course, though in my opinion the tie dye looks rather fetching on you.

What happened with the dress?

JUNO:

Turns out two of the side effects of getting older are developing taste and gaining weight.

SOUND: NUREYEV PRESSES A SOFT, AFFIRMING KISS TO JUNO’S TEMPLE

No, it uh, reminded me of more bad things than good. I didn’t want something like that associated with us starting our lives together.

NUREYEV:

I understand. I’m sorry you had to go through that, and for nothing, too.

JUNO:

It’s alright. Was kind of nice to see the city again. And Rita enjoyed it.

BEAT

Why don’t we do it?

NUREYEV:

I’m sorry?

JUNO:

Why don’t we just get married, right now, like this?

NUREYEV:

Juno? Are you serious?

JUNO:

Absolutely. What will’ve changed in three days? We’ll have stressed about our outfits, over thought our vows. Let’s just get married right now!

JUNO (NARRATOR):

The more I talk the more I begin to wonder how I’ve survived the past month not being married to Peter Nureyev. In fact, how I’ve survived an entire lifetime.

NUREYEV:

I- I think I would like that immensely.

SOUND: THEY KISS, KNOWING IT WON’T LEAD TO ANYTHING, BUT AT THE SAME TIME THAT IT’S THE START OF EVERYTHING

JUNO:

Let’s go tell everyone, they’re in the brigg.

Hey, you’ll never guess who Jet picked up from Mars!

SOUND: FADES OUT

SOUND: FADES IN. WEDDING ORGAN BUT FUTURISTIC AND PLAYED ON ELECTRIC GUITAR

BUDDY:

There. I would say perfect, but it doesn’t go terribly well with tie dye, darling. Nothing really does.

JUNO (NARRATOR):

Buddy has fixed a small crescent moon pin to my shirt, the very same one I see her wearing every day.

Across the room I can see Vespa unfastening a necklace she always wears beneath her shirt and securing it around Nureyev’s neck. It has a small, golden sun on it.

JUNO:

Thanks for, uh, this. And for being here, too.

BUDDY:

Don’t be silly, of course Vespa and I had to be here. I only retired from a life of crime, not from being your therapist.

Speaking of which, I’m very proud of you.

JUNO:

(JOKING)

Thanks, mom.

BUDDY:

(NOT JOKING)

Had my life taken a very different turn and Vespa and I had become parents I could only hope to have a daughter grow up to be as beautiful and smart as you. There’s a reason I handed over the Carte Blanche to you.

JUNO:

(STUTTERING)

BUDDY:

Now, go on. The love of your life awaits.

JUNO:

Aren't you gonna walk me over there?

BUDDY:

Darling, you’re not mine to give away.

SOUND: WEDDING GUITAR INTENSIFIES FOR A MOMENT, THEN FADES OUT

JET:

I have not gathered you all here today. Rather, you have all assembled yourselves due to your love of Juno Steel and our nameless thief, and your desire to see them happy together.

I think it is charitable to say this pair has caused several sleepless nights for the crew of the Carte Blanche, whether it was Ransom attempting to cook for Juno and setting the stove on fire, their nightly not-so-whispered conversations, or their passionate love-making.

SOUND: GROAN OF EMBARRASSMENT FROM NUREYEV AND JUNO. GROUND OF DISGUST AT JET’S CHOICE OF LANGUAGE FROM EVERYONE ELSE

But our family has also benefited greatly from the strength of their relationship. Many a heist has relied on this duo’s connection, and trust in each other. It has been an honour to see their love transform from a poorly performed act to genuine, deep feelings.

With that being said, I think it is time for the bride and groom to exchange vows.

JUNO (NARRATOR):

I smile at Nureyev. We’d talked about this at length, and agreed that promises were meaningless if you weren’t allowed to say the name of the person you’re making them to. Cupping my cheek with one hand, he leans down to whisper in my ear:

NUREYEV:

(WHISPERED)

I never really believed in love. It was always just another game to me, just another disguise. Until you, Juno Steel. I tried pretending to love you, but nothing I did could drown out the all too real, genuine urge to grab you by the collar and- Tell you you’re the most beautiful lady I’ve ever met.

It had been an age since I’d felt something real.

I’d spent my whole life running, but you make me want to stop. I would stay still forever if it meant I could gaze upon you every day of my life.

The truth is, you make me a better man. You bring out in me the morality I so often push to the side for the sake of a paycheck. When I’m with you I do not just wear my true name, but my true self. I have never felt safer than with you by my side.

My whole life, for as long as I can remember, I’ve been searching for my family. I was always so obsessed with where I’d come from, who I’d used to be. Until I met you. And suddenly all I cared about was becoming the kind of man worthy of your life. Worthy to be your family.

There is a fire within you, Juno, one as bright and hot as the sun, and it is fuelled by the moral discrepancies of our galaxy. I want to live every day by the heat of that fire.

JUNO:

(WHISPERED)

Peter Nureyev. Four years ago you gave me a gift. I didn’t know what it meant to me at the time, only that it meant the galaxy to you, so I kept it safe.

Over the past four years I’ve learned to appreciate that gift, and what it means to me. It means honesty. Security. It means trust like I’ve never trusted before.

Love like this used to scare me. I would throw myself into the arms of the nearest dangerous person and let them treat me however they saw fit. I did the same thing with you, the only difference is you decided to treat me with respect. I was so quick to hand you my heart, expecting you to drop it as you rushed onto the next thing, but you didn’t. Instead you ran away with it, which if anything was more inconvenient.

I’m glad you did, though. You never had to fight for my love, but fought for me to let you love me.

You think the world will never see Peter Nureyev again, but that isn't true. They see him in the confidence of Rex Glass. In the cunning of Perseus Shah. In the level-headedness of Duke Rose. In the showmanship of Monsieur Dauphin. And in each of them, a little piece of the vigilante rebel who started it all, and his love of humanity.

And when I tell people about my husband, the man who loved me despite my desperate fleeing from love, I will be telling the story of Peter Nureyev, Angel of Brahma, the man who loves harder than anyone I’ve ever known.

You don’t need to disappear anymore; I see you. I will always see you. And I will always love you.

BEAT

MICK:

(CRYING)

Gosh JJ, that was beautiful.

VESPA:

(ALSO SOUNDING JUST A LIIIITTLE EMOTIONAL)

You didn’t even hear what they said.

MICK:

No, but I knew it was beautiful.

SOUND: NUREYEV AND JUNO LEAN IN TO KISS

JET:

Not so fast, I believe my job here is not yet done.

Juno Steel, do you take this man to be your unlawful partner in crime?

JUNO:

I do.

JET:

And do you, the man known now as Peter Ransom, take this lady to be your unlawful partner in crime?

NUREYEV:

Most certainly.

JET:

Then with the permission I have been granted by our ex-captain to conduct this wedding, I now pronounce you unlawfully wedded. This marriage will not hold up in a court of law, is not recognised by Dark Matters or any Dark Matters associated governments, cannot be referenced for taxation purposes-

BUDDY:

(CLEARS THROAT)

JET:

Yes, sorry.

You may now share a kiss.

SOUND: OH BOY DO THEY SHARE A KISS

JUNO AND NUREYEV LAUGH, BUT IN A TEARFUL SORT OF WAY

JUNO (NARRATOR):

Why not admit it? I’m crying. Nureyev is, too, grinning wide and fox-like with tears streaming down his face. Vespa’s offering Buddy a handkerchief, Mick and Rita are openly sobbing, even Jet takes a moment to wipe his eyes.

Were we really that hopeless?

BUDDY:

Well, I think a celebration is in order.

MICK:

I have sparkling apple juice! I, uh, just panicked and grabbed the nearest bottle.

RITA:

(RECEDING)

I gotta go finish the cake! 

SOUND: DOOR OPENS

I aint even started it, I didn’t think I’d need it for another five days! If I cook it at three tims the temperature it’ll cook three times as fast-

JET:

(RUNNING AFTER HER)

Rita, do not do that!

SOUND: DOOR CLOSES

BUDDY, VESPA, AND MICK ARE TALKING IN THE BACKGROUND, BUT NO WORDS CAN BE HEARD

JUNO:

So, how does it feel to be a member of the most disastrous family on Mars?

NUREYEV:

I like to think of this as the start of the most successful family of vigilantes in space.

JUNO:

So now that we’re an old, married couple you don’t want to settle down and have 2.7 kids and a rabbit?

NUREYEV:

God, no. I may no longer be fleeing a faceless enemy, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t still places I want to see, people I want to help. As long as that’s what you want, too, of course.

JUNO:

I might ask you to revisit that rabbit idea, but I have no plans to settle down. Save that for when we’re really old. Like Buddy and Vespa.

VESPA:

I can  _ hear  _ you, Steel. Just because it’s your wedding day doesn’t mean I won’t still stab you.

JUNO:

I really miss having you around here, Vespa.

VESPA:

I- I miss you too.

NUREYEV:

You know, now that we’re actually newlyweds we’ll probably have to come up with a different cover when we go on missions.

SOUND: SOFT, BALLROOM-ESQUE MUSIC PLAYS IN BACKGROUND

JUNO:

We should pretend to be mortal enemies. You be a master thief and I’ll be the grizzled detective who regrets letting you go.

NUREYEV:

And then we fall in love?

JUNO:

And then we fall in love.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS

VESPA:

Hey, uh, so there’s this old Earth tradition, for the bride, and you don’t have a dad, and Jet’s gone off with Rita, so I was telling Buddy about it, but she said I should ask you, because it was my idea, and I said no, that’s stupid, because we’re not really your moms, that’s just what Rita says, but she said she thinks you’d like it and I disagree, so really I’m just here to prove a point-

NUREYEV:

Your point being?

VESPA:

Juno, do you want to, maybe, dance with me? It’s stupid, I know-

JUNO:

I’d love that.

VESPA:

Oh.

NUREYEV:

(SIGHS)

My beautiful wife being stolen away from me already. I suppose that’s what you get for marrying a galaxy-renowned criminal.

SOUND: NUREYEV AND JUNO KISS BRIEFLY

MUSIC SWELLS AS VESPA LEADS JUNO AWAY

VESPA:

You look happy.

JUNO:

I am happy.

VESPA:

It suits you. Being happy.

JUNO:

I could say the same.

VESPA:

I’m really glad we left the ship to you.

JUNO:

I’m glad too.

VESPA:

You’re a really good person, Juno. Not one of those good people who’s only ever thinking about doing good, but a genuinely good person. Everything you do is to help others, it’s the centre of your personality.

Buddy’s the same, it’s one of the things I love about her. Her morality is blinding.

That’s why I was always so mad at you. Well, one of the reasons, you’re also really annoying. You were everything I hated about myself, but you still managed to hang on to this beautiful, shining moral code. And I envied that.

You’re good for Ransom that way. His light at the end of the tunnel when he gets in trouble.

JUNO (NARRATOR):

Vespa taps the pin on my shirt.

VESPA:

The sun to his moon.

JUNO:

You can take this as insincerity if you like, but your approval really means a lot to me.

VESPA:

So it should. I have two years experience on you when it comes to being married.

Only two years? That’s depressing.

JUNO:

Don’t worry, I’ll come to you whenever we need marital counseling.

VESPA:

(LAUGHING)

Please don’t.

JUNO:

Is it just me, or is this dancing not really going well?

VESPA:

Yeah, neither of us really knows how to lead.

SOUND: THEY LAUGH

Ransom! Come here and dance with your wife.

NUREYEV:

With pleasure!

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS AS VESPA AND NUREYEV SWAP PLACES

JUNO:

That’s more like it. Ben would always lead, obviously, and after he- I didn’t really want to learn any other way, y’know?

NUREYEV:

Of course.

So then it bodes well that I hate following direction.

SOUND: A CONTENT SIGH FROM JUNO. SOFT FOOTSTEPS AS THEY DANCE. AFTER A WHILE THE MUSIC FADES OUT

SHIP AMBIENCE FADES IN. EVERYTHING THEY SAY BELOW IS SOFT AND MUTED; THEY’RE LYING NEXT TO EACH OTHER IN BED

JUNO:

But then she would get lonely. We need two.

NUREYEV:

I don’t even remember agreeing to one rabbit, now we have a whole family?

JUNO:

No, just two.

NUREYEV:

And you’re saying these things grow to the size of Earth bears? How will we fit them on the ship?

JUNO:

We fit Jet, don’t we? And Rita will look after them when we go on heists.

NUREYEV:

Are you sure you wouldn’t be happy with a smaller pet?

JUNO:

They wouldn’t be pets. It would be a, sort of, cohabitation. They’re smart, you know.

NUREYEV:

Juno, I love you.

JUNO:

(PLAYFUL)

Don’t change the subject!

NUREYEV:

Okay, we can  _ think  _ about the sewer rabbits.

JUNO:

Thank you.

Hey, Nureyev? You remember… a long time ago, when I said you were the best thing that had ever happened to me? I need you to know, I wasn’t being insincere about that. I meant it then, and it’s true to this day. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

NUREYEV:

Likewise, Juno Steel.

SOUND: THEY KISS 

JUNO (NARRATOR):

Hyperion City.

SOUND: MASTER THIEVES AND PRIVATE EYES

It takes a lot to make you forget a city like that. Space piracy, elegant galas, the cure to all illness, a sentient car, captains, and their wives, and master mechanics, and your best friend, and a thief who’s the love of your life.

(SIGHS HAPPILY)

You spend enough time with these people and you start to notice something: not everything needs an answer. Not everything is a case that needs solving. Sometimes it’s okay to just be happy, for a while.

And hey, sometimes you spiral. Sometimes you fight with your loved ones. Sometimes something so catastrophic it's out of your control happens, and all you can do is deal with the fallout. But in the end it’s okay, because you have a home to come back to. A chest to lay your head on at night. A soft, glowing moon when the night sky seems so dark.

The galaxy’s always changing, getting a little bigger, maybe a little meaner each day. But that doesn’t mean you have to. Instead you get a little stronger, a little smarter, a little better at putting things right.

Nureyev’s fallen asleep now, face soft, canines resting against his lower lip. I watch him, wondering how it’s possible to love a person this much, with every inch of my being. This man, who’s saved cities, and artifacts, and innocents, and me.

SOUND: NUREYEV BREATHING SOFTLY

My name’s Juno Steel. I'm a thief, a wife, a vigilante, co-captain of the Carte Blanche. This is my home.

I’m proud of it, proud of my family, and I’d do anything to protect them.

There’s nowhere in the galaxy I’d rather be.

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the thing: I don't think Buddy would hand the Carte Blanche over to Juno, I think she'd give it to Jet, IF anyone, but Captain Juno Steel, no affiliation with the HCPD is just very sexy to me.
> 
> Also, like, fuck knows what happens to Mick after this fic. Does Jet take him home? Does he stay the night? Is he part of the crime family now? It's up to you.
> 
> Also, also: Juno is a chunky lady and this is the hill I fully intend to die on, thank you.
> 
> Thank you for reading!!! Hmu @ kindofwriter on tumblr if you wanna bully me for my characterisation :)


End file.
